An Introduction of Myself
Subject: An Introduction of Myself
Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
Hi, my name is Aasiq Ahamed and I am currently a year 1 student pursuing a degree in civil engineering. I am in your effective communications class T6 this trimester. Back in Singapore Polytechnic, I studied diploma in civil engineering as well. In polytechnic, I did not like the course at all as I found it boring. That was due to me hearing about these construction stuffs all the time at home as my dad is in this line of work. But thanks to the knowledge and experience I have gained in my internship, I could see how much I can do and accomplish in this field. So, I decided to pursue a career in this field.
In my free time, I love to play computer games, take care of my plants and hang out with my friends. I love the nature a lot. As a kid, I would ask my parents if I could get a pet. But they would not allow me to do so as they think that I would not take care of it. It saddens me that till now it is no different. So I decided if I cannot have a pet now, I will own lots of plants now and in the future I will own a few pets.
English language has always intrigued me. It is a beautiful language. I have always told myself that I will always improve on my English language. Along with my enthusiasm in learning English, I have a weakness, speaking in front of a big crowd. I may be confident when I am practicing but as soon as I see a big group of people, I will panic. I believe I will learn more about conversing and writing in English in your module. I am looking forward to improve on my weakness with your guidance.
Here is to a fruitful and joyful learning journey ahead.
Thank you.
With regards,
Aasiq Ahamed
T6
Thank you, Aasiq, for posting.
ReplyDeleteDear Aasiq
ReplyDeleteUpon reading your introduction letter, it has given me the opportunity to get to know more about you. Your passion for nature and plants do however coincide with what i am interested in these days, if possible i wish to get some tips and tricks from you.
The overall content of your letter seems quite clear and concise, however i would hope to have more details in your writing. Especially on the areas covering your weaknesses and strength.
Though well written, i believe there are some minor areas of improvement, especially on the grammatical errors in this letter.
Regards
Nicholas
Dear Nicholas,
DeleteThank you for taking your time to read my introductory letter. I appreciate the feedbacks and you pointing out on the areas that I can improve on. I will work to make my letter better by looking into those points.
Cheers,
Aasiq
ReplyDeleteDear Aasiq,
Thank you for this letter of intro. You start the job of explaining your educational background, but it might be more effective if you could explain something about your internship and how that motivated you more than your ("boring") studies and what you heard at home about engineering.
I like the detail in the section about your hobbies and interest in nature/plants. Of course, more detail might be given to the types of plants you currently have and how they impact your life.
In terms of a perceived weakness, you mention presenting in front of a group, and you can rest assured knowing you will be having more speaking opportunities as the term progresses. I'd also like to read something about your perceived strength in communication.
Your language fluency in this letter is quite good, but there are a few issues in regards to phrasings/word meaning
-- I studied diploma in civil engineering as well. > (more conventional) I did a diploma in civil engineering as well.
-- these construction stuffs > (too conversational) ?
-- I have always told myself that I will always improve on my English language. > (repetition)
I do appreciate your enthusiasm for refining your English language, and I look forward to seeing how you can improve this post.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for reading my post and commenting on how I can improve on it. I will look into those comments and feedback and fine-tune my post in due course. Looking forward to publish my edited post.
Regards,
Aasiq
Dear Aasiq,
ReplyDeleteIt was nice reading your letter, however for formal letter/email, you don't start the sentance with "Hi". I felt that in your second sentance, you could have avoided the "this Trimester".
In your 3rd sentance you mentioned that you did not like "the course", i felt that you could have list down the few modules instead of saying whole course as there could have few modules not directly related to civil engineering.
I liked that you like to grow plants, I would think this is one of your hobbies. It will be more interesting to read if you highlight few plants that you ready have. At the same time, you are interested in playing computer games. I felt that you could have be more specific what kind of computer games, perhaps the names of the game.
in your last paragraph, you explained that you like English language. I noticed few mistakes in your last sentance
1. I may be confident when I am practicing but as soon as I see a big group of people, I will panic".
You could either rewrite this sentance or you have replace words like "I tend to panic" with will.
2. According to the letter requirement, you are expected to have two goals. I did not see two goals in your letter.
I hope that you could take note of my comments, at the same time, if you feel other wise, it is fine.
Thank you
Regards,
Saira
Dear Saira,
DeleteThank you for reading and commenting on my post. I look forward to improve on my post with the guidance of yours as well as others’ feedback.
Cheers,
Aasiq
Dear Aasiq,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the introduction letter. I enjoy reading you letter as it has a nice flow to it. I like the area where you explain on your hobbies such as taking care of the plants and also where you would like to own a few pets in the future.
However, i do think you need to explain more on your communications strength as all i manage to find out from the letter is your weakness in communication. Also, i would like to hear something that makes you unique or different from others as a person.
Overall, your letter has good transitioning and it is concrete.
Regards,
Amos
Dear Amos,
DeleteThank you for reading my post and suggesting some feedbacks. I look forward to improving my post.
Cheers,
Aasiq